A rodent's food (leaves)

Little bitesize treats flutter to the floor
Each luscious delicacy that falls from the sky
An infatuation of fridge treats, i don't even have to open the door
Vicious little monsters kick my meal up high
Every scrumptious extra treat taken from my reach
Squirms not, just lets time go by

The first flight

Thump!
My heart thwacked as i opened my wings
Swish!
I heard wind dance past my feathers
Tweet!
My sisters called to me, told me to stop
Zoom!
I jumped from the nest and soared through the sky
Silence!
I sighed as my feet brushed the ground and i smiled
Triumph!

Inside and Outside poem

Inside

Homely, shielded

reassuring, heart-warming, soothes

Step out of the door and into the outside

Intimidates, aggitates, petrifies

Arctic, unpredictable

Outisde

Lying cheating skank: preface and chapter 1

Preface – the memory

I looked at my eyes in the mirror. The image of a girl that I saw infront of me was odd. She had messy, mouse hair and her eyes were dark grey like a stormy sky on midsummer’s eve. I tried to concentrate on my eyes and not the birds nest that grew from my head that other people liked to call hair. I sighed as I tugged the brush through every last knot for the last time.  A small part of my brain was aware of the time; however, I dismissed the worry of missing the bus and focused on my hair. I knew I couldn’t do anything more than I had already done.  My mascara was weak on my eyelashes, I had (for once) washed off the previous days makeup and without mascara, I looked dead. I checked my phone for messages, but instead of looking at my inbox my eyes scooted over to the time. I gasped and searched around for my tie. I’m gonna be late, I’m gonna be late was all I could think. My head was telling me to get out and my instinct not to miss the bus willed me to find my tie. I vaguely tied it around my neck and ran as fast as I could out of the house. When I reached the end of the track and saw Melody walking down the road, a flood of relief rushed through me and I stopped to catch my breath stupid I told myself. I’d done this before, I knew I didn’t have to panic, but I did.

The day dragged by like a resistant cat. It was hard to break free of time and get to free periods. I was nearly asleep, slumped on the desk and staring at my maths book. Twila kept me going by making me laugh though. The bell shrilled in my ears and I packed up my books! At last! I sat in the canteen with Twila, Scarlett, Esmee and Kara chatting. “You know, I’ve heard that Jimmie fancies you” whispered Scarlett. I laughed. “You must be crazy! Jimmy? You have got to be kidding me!” A few minutes later however, Prim came walking up the middle of the canteen towards us. Prim has blond hair and bright blue eyes that sparkle like sapphires; she wears glasses but is very pretty. “Hey Siora! Have you heard? Jimmie wants to go out with you? Come outside! He’s gonna ask you out!” I shook my head “I’m not gonna go out with him because he’s Emily’s ex, I couldn’t go out with a friends ex!”

The memory hit me like a ton of bricks.  I closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain of my heart being torn apart. I lifted my hand and placed it where my heart should have been to check if it was still beating. Relief flooding through me as I felt the steady rhythm of blood being pumped through my veins, I don’t know what else I expected but it wasn’t that. I tried to push the image of Jimmy out of my mind and focus on the long paragraph that had been placed infront of me. I didn’t know how I translated it back to English, but I did. I was doing so well, I kept the tears held back. It could have been yesterday I thought as the memory slid back into my mind

I walked outside anxiously. I don’t know why, it was all lies. Suddenly, a swarm of people rushed towards me. “you have to say yes!” “come on, he’s well fit, don’t say no!” I was confused; it must be true! I turned and looked for him. I saw him slouched on the wall and walked over to him. “Well? Did you ask me out?” he smiled and said “I never said I did, but I never said I didn’t” He never got the chance to properly answer my question because Scarlett and Esmee pulled me away.

I thought about that as I sat staring at the whiteboard. “I never said I did, but I never said I didn’t” Maybe he never liked me, what if it was all a fake? What if the whole time I was going out with him it was a fake? Twila saw my pained expression and frowned. “are you okay?” she asked. “no.” when I looked at her she had drawn a moustache on her face.  I tried to keep in the giggle from bursting through my lips but I failed. The pain soon flooded back though…

“Fine!” I laughed. “Fine! I’ll go out with him” A loud cheer spread through the crowd of people that surrounded me. I didn’t see him again after that till later on in the day. I hugged him before I got on the bus and said bye. I talked to Charlotte and Katie endlessly about lunchtime. I was so happy! What could possible go wrong?

The memory faded away after that point and I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. It was then that I realised how damaged I was, how much I loved him. I put my head on the desk and closed my eyes. I couldn’t find a way in which I could end this pain, this thorn that was lodged in my chest, I just didn’t know how to displace it. The image of him swam infront of my eyes, floppy blond hair that wasn’t too long, blue eyes that sparkled like sapphires, I had always loved the way his eyes lit up when he did that crooked smile. The pain shot through my heart again as I remembered realising how much I loved his eyes for the first time.

“Hey! Lets not argue! That is a sign of a bad relationship!” He was pointing a finger at my chest and going on about how we should never fight. I wasn’t really listening, I was looking at my reflection in his eyes. My friends were all around me laughing, I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the sapphires that were placed on his face. They were like the swimming pool I used to go to with Ruby, in the “dark” days. When he’d finished I laughed and whispered to Esmee “you know, the whole time he was talking just then, all I could think about was how nice his eyes are.” She laughed and told Scarlett what I said. We were all in fits of laughter while Jimmy stood bewildered and said “What? What are you laughing at? What did she say?” He looked like a lost puppy with his head cocked to one side. “Don’t say anything!” I laughed. Of course, Esmee was the one to say “She said she thinks your eyes are really nice.” I just stood there totally embarrassed…

The memory came to end as I sat there “Siora, get up.” Twila was looking at me like I was insane. I realised that the bell had gone for lunch. I took all the energy I had left to stand up and walk out the door. I don’t know how I carried on, but I did.

Chapter one

 I tried to focus on the road ahead. I couldn’t believe it, not Jimmy. Surely… I screamed as the front wheel of the bike went over the edge of the ditch. I slammed on the breaks and sat there. “What happened?” Eloise’s bike came up beside me and she looked into the stream below. “You nearly went over the edge!” she gasped. “ I stepped off the bike and sighed. “I know.” I just stared at the daisies at my feet. “I don’t understand,” I whispered. “I know.” She sat down on the grass and started making a daisy chain. “It’s just, I didn’t think it would end so quickly.” I sat down beside her and put my head in my hands. “Quickly? Four months is hardly quick…” she laughed. “You’d be surprised how quick four months goes.” I snapped. We sat in silence for a minute as we threaded daisy through daisy.  I broke the silence by saying “It never even crossed my mind that it would end like THIS!” She just looked at me. “What do you mean? How else did you think it was gonna end? Either you dump him or he dumps you. What did you expect?” I sighed because she knew I didn’t mean that. 

We rode through the back-lanes of Kenninghall as his face dipped in and out of my vision. I tried to focus on the road but my mind was somewhere else, in my mind I was being held in his arms, in my head I was in another time… “Siora!” she screeched. I stopped suddenly. “What is wrong with you? CONCENTRATE!!” she didn’t understand. She had never seen him, never felt his lips on hers (even if it was an accident). I closed my eyes and pictured me in a meadow with him but all I could see was me, he didn’t exist, he was gone.

“Alfie said your gonna dump me. Is it true?” I was hoping for a no, of course I was. And no is what I got. He walked away before I could kiss him on the cheek and say, “I love you”. I frowned and tried to follow him but when I got out of the junior block he was gone.  I searched for him but only saw my friends who called me over. We sat on a picnic bench and ate even though the nausea was welling up inside of me. I looked at Scarlett as she shouted “Jimmy are you gonna dump Siora?” I gulped and looked at the floor. “Wait a sec” I was relieved he didn’t say no but… “That’s good! He didn’t say no!” whispered Esmee. “But he didn’t say yes either.” I looked up at Kara and frowned. She was smiling at me like it was exiting as if was getting asked out instead of the opposite. I then looked at the rest of the gang to see that they were all doing the same apart from Esmee. A pang of hurt and anger flooded through me.  I didn’t understand – how could they be so cruel? “Wait a sec – that definatly means something. Oooooh Siora’s gonna get dumped!” I scowled at Kara and then looked at the floor. What was her problem? We began to walk up the field and we saw him with his mates. Kara, Twila and Scarlett walked up to him. “Can we go?” I whispered to Esmee quietly because I felt that she was the only one who understood that it was NOT something I wanted to know and it WASN’T exiting.

We walked around the school in silence as the thoughts sat there simmering in my brain.  He wouldn’t, he couldn’t, and he loves me. Doesn’t he? He did, he kissed me, but then it got awkward, is it me? Or is it him? He has been a rubbish boyfriend. Why? Can’t I make it better? What can I DO? I turned around to see my other three friends beside me. “Lets go to the loos” it didn’t sink in, not even then. I know that it would have been Kara’s suggestion, she knows me better than the rest.   “Huh?” I stood there staring at them. “Loos, now!” they pulled me along but stopped when is said, “What did he say? Just tell me what he said!” I looked at Scarlett’s solemn face and I knew her answer even before the words tumbled from her lips. “He dumped you. He says it’s not you, all that rubbish.” I just stared at her and expected the tears to fall but they never did. “Can I text my mum?” I asked. “Sure!” we walked into the loos and I stood there in the cubicle. My fingers stumbled as they flitted across the keypad on my galaxy ace. “Jimmy has dumped me – he said he’s sorry, I’m trying not to cry.” It was simple but it summed up everything I wanted to say about what had happened. My finger hovered over the send button as I wondered whether to send “I’m trying not to cry” it wasn’t even true. I sent it anyway and stood waiting for a reply.

I woke up with a start. I tried to remember closing my eyes and drifting off but I couldn’t.  I ached all over. The dream came flooding back to me and I realised that it was actually a memory. The day he dumped me. I sighed and closed my eyes and willed the memory away. That was when I decided; this needs to stop.  I sat up and turned on m I-pad. Safari was already open so I scrolled to the top of the screen to the search bar. Long layered haircuts I pressed search and then images. I knew what I wanted: a change. Something to get over him by, a new me. I loved the hair styles that I saw infront of me on the screen, loose curls. I knew that this would be amazing, suit me so much, so different to my lank and drab, flat hair.  Over the next few days I began preparing myself for the change that was about to come. 

I stared at the wall infront of me. It’s for the best I told myself. I sat on the stool and closed my eyes. The scissors chopped through my rhymically, chop, chop, chop.  I could feel my heart racing as I heard my mum gasp. I knew how much hair was falling to the floor, a lot. “Your not helping.” I hissed through clenched teeth. The hairdresser, Lucy, laughed and kept chopping. Its only layers calm down! My head seemed to be smarter than me and I kept my mouth shut and clenched my teeth until it hurt.  “It’s done!” Lucy held the mirror up infront of me.  It was perfect, more than perfect! It had already began to dry and there were curls forming at the bottom. I gasped in delight. It was amazing. I had a short bit of hair at the front, which could only be described as an extremely long side fringe. I had the same on the other side but not such a big chunk.  I ran into the hall and looked in the big mirror, it was fantastic, so fantastic! I squealed and thought of how I had squealed when Jimmy asked me out.  My smile turned into a frown for about a second but soon disappeared. I ran back into the other room and squealed my thanks to the hairdresser. Straight up stairs: twitter, here we come!

I was over him, that’s what I told myself as I stared at the lying, cheating skank who stood infront of me. I still couldn’t get over it. He cheated on me, ME! My first boyfriend cheated on me!  But here I was, still witnessing the sharp daggers than shot through my heart every time I saw him and I was on his team in dodge ball – what a joy.  I attempted hiding behind the girls who were in my team but none of them were my friends. I frowned across the room at Ruby; she looked like a witch without her hair on either side of her face. With her hair in a ponytail, her nose stood out like bright green tights.  My face turned into a scowl when she waved at Scarlett, my best friend. I told Scarlett all about her the week before, about what a bitch she is, she doesn’t get it though.  I told her everything Ruby had ever said to me and done to make me feel like a pile of poo and yet Scarlett had began hanging around with her all the time. I refused to do the same of course, Esmee and Twila stuck by my side and not Scarlett’s, they knew who the witch was and that was Ruby.  Ruby bought friendship, she bought Scarlett’s. It was all: “Here you go Scarlett, here’s £2!” almost everyday since I became her best friend.  The worst thing was, Scarlett couldn’t even see it.  Ruby turned her head and looked me in the eye. I quickly looked at Jimmy again and felt another knife twist where my heart should be, I then decided that the floor was the only place I couldn’t be hurt.  I heard the whistle and looked infront of me! “EEK!!!!” the ball was charging at me full force and hit me in the face. “Siora! You’re out! There’s GCSEs going on next door! Be quiet!” Before I went and stood on the bench, I looked to see who was already on it: Jimmy. I put my head down and ran to the edge. You know that moment when you just feel that longing feeling in your stomach, like a stone? You know, that hungry feeling but not for food? That feeling where you’re tired of not having something and you need it so much it kills? Well I got that feeling when I looked at Jimmy and it was that moment that I knew I was tired of not talking to him and made the courageous decision to smile at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. I sighed and looked ahead of me once again. It carried on like this till the end of the PE lesson. I walked out with my friends and looked behind me and saw that final image of Jimmy smiling at me